Clip Art Picture of Sitting on the School Bus



Acme v Internet Promises You Won't Keep

five. I won't subscribe to anything until I can manage what I already receive.

4. I resolve to back up hard drive daily... well, one time a month, perhaps...

iii. I will spend less than five hours a day on the Internet.

2. I resolve to work with neglected children... my own.

(and the #i resolution)

1. I resolve to get my off-line work done, too!


Large, commercial breweries use inexpensive grains like rice to convert sugar to alcohol. Craft brewers rarely do.


A Magical Banana

A Magical Banana

Comedy and magic combined in a hilarious skit nigh learning the art of magic


A Daughter Asks Her Dad...

A daughter asks her Dad, "Dad there is something that my fellow said to me, that I didn't sympathise.

He said that I have beautiful chassis, lovely airbags and a fantastic bumper."

Her Dad replied, "You lot tell your boyfriend that if he opens your hood and tries to check your oil with his dipstick, I will tighten his nuts so difficult that his headlights volition popular out and he will beginning leaking out of his exhaust pipage."


The Present

The Present

"The Present" is a wonderful animation about a boy who finds a companion that shares his struggle to overcome a limitation.

First-cousin marriages are legal in Utah, so long as both parties are 65 or older!



Wedlock is a wonderful establishment, but who wants to live in an institution? -- Groucho Marx


Wear the Damn Ribbion

Wear the Damn Ribbon

Notoriously not-conformist Kramer tries to show support for a cause in his own mode, merely those with a herd mentality endeavor to force him to conform.

Minus forty degrees Celsius is exactly the same as minus forty degrees Fahrenheit.


Trucking Down the River

Trucking Down the River

In Russia trucks are congenital with the ability to ford deep streams, just this is taking things to an farthermost.


Running Away

After being scolded for being and so unruly, a young boy decides to run away.

The kid gathers his clothes, his teddy bear, and his piggy banking company and announces, 'I'1000 running away from home!'.

The father decided to approach the matter logically. 'What if you lot go hungry?', he asked.

'Then I'll come home and consume!', bravely declared the kid.

' And what if y'all run out of money?'.

'I will come abode and get some!', readily replied the child.

The father asked one last question, 'What if your apparel get dirty?'.

'And then I'll come home and let mommy launder them.', was the respond.

The human smiled and exclaimed, 'This kid is not running away from domicile, he's going off to college!'



The science of kissing is called philematology

One theory suggests kissing may accept evolved from prospective mates sniffing each others pheromones for biological compatibility.


Soccer Dog

Soccer Dog

When it comes to keeping the brawl in the air this is 1 talented Dog. Four friends at the embankment enjoying the warm air, the sunshine, and the wavs decide to toss a ball around. Only one of the iv is a very talented four-legged pooch..


Aspiring Student Psychiatrists

The aspiring student psychiatrists from various colleges were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Only to establish some parameters," said the professor, to the pupil from the Academy of Houston, "What is the contrary of joy?"

"Sadness," replied the student.

"And the opposite of depression?" the professor asked of the immature lady from Rice.

"Elation," said she.

"And you lot sir," he said to the boyfriend from Texas A&Yard. "How almost the reverse of woe?"

The Aggie replied, "Sir, I believe that would be light-headed-upwards."


Top ten plough-offs for women include cystic acne, raggedy nails, flatulence and belching, missing teeth, body odor, bad breath, hairy nostrils, ''human boobs,'' ''goofy'' spectacles, and hair ''mistakes.''



Paddy at War

The Irish have sent two warships to the Eye East.

1 of them is filled with sand; and the other is filled with cement.

They are obviously planning a mortar attack!!


Meeting The In-laws

Meeting The In-laws

A man tries to impress his girlfriend's parents and commits a bit of a imitation pas.

Women aged twenty-29 are nearly 32 pounds heavier on average in 2020 compared to 1960.



Steve Jobs:

"Picasso had a saying: 'Skillful artists copy, not bad artists steal.' We accept ever been shameless nigh stealing great ideas...I think role of what made the Macintosh great was that the people working on it were musicians, poets, artists, zoologists and historians who also happened to be the best computer scientists in the world." -- 1994

"Remembering that I'll be dead presently is the most important tool I've ever encountered to help me make the large choices in life. Considering nigh everything -- all external expectations, all pride, all fear of embarrassment or failure - these things just fall away in the confront of death, leaving simply what is truly of import. Remembering that y'all are going to dice is the best fashion I know to avert the trap of thinking you take something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your eye. ... Stay hungry. Stay foolish."-- Stanford University commencement address, June 2005.


Going to a Flood

Going to a Alluvion

In Commonwealth of australia during the middle of the flood, the fire section got called out to a fire and I'm not going to allow a little water finish them.

The longer a man'due south ring finger is compared to his alphabetize finger, the more testosterone he has.



Dilbert-isms

Finalists from a "Dilbert Quotes" contest, with quotes from existent-life Dilbert-type managers:

one. "As of tomorrow, employees volition only exist able to access the building using private security cards. Pictures volition exist taken next Midweek and employees will receive their cards in two weeks." (Microsoft Corp. in Redmond, WA.)

ii. "What I need is a list of specific unknown problems nosotros will encounter." (Lykes Lines Shipping)

3. "Electronic mail is not to exist used to pass on information or data. It should be used only for visitor business organization." (Accounting manager, Electric Boat Visitor )

4. "This project is so important, we tin't permit things that are more important interfere with information technology." (Advertising/Marketing managing director, United Bundle Service)

5. "No one will believe you solved this trouble in one twenty-four hours! Nosotros've been working on it for months. Now, go human activity busy for a few weeks and I'll let you know when it'southward fourth dimension to tell them." (R&D supervisor, Minnesota Mining and Manufacturing/3M Corp.)

half-dozen. "My Boss spent the entire weekend retyping a 25-page proposal that merely needed corrections. She claims the disk I gave her was damaged and she couldn't edit information technology. The disk I gave her was write-protected." (CIO of Dell Computers)

7. Quote from the Boss: "Teamwork is a lot of people doing what I say." (Marketing executive, Citrix Corporation)

8. My sister passed abroad and her funeral was scheduled for Monday. When I told my Boss, he said she died on purpose then that I would have to miss piece of work on the busiest day of the year. He then asked if nosotros could alter her burial to Friday. He said, "That would be better for me." (Shipping executive, FTD Florists)

nine. "Nosotros know that communication is a problem, but the company is non going to talk over it with the employees." (Switching supervisor, AT&T Long Lines Division)

10. We recently received a memo from senior management saying: "This is to inform yous that a memo volition be issued today regarding the memo mentioned above." (Microsoft, Legal Diplomacy Division)

eleven. 1 twenty-four hours my Boss asked me to submit a condition study to him concerning a project I was working on. I asked him if tomorrow would be soon enough. He said, "If I wanted it tomorrow, I would take waited until tomorrow to ask for it!" (New business manager, Authentication Greeting Cards)

12. And the winner!! Equally director of communications, I was asked to gear up a memo reviewing our company'due south training programs and materials. In the trunk of the memo in one of the sentences I mentioned the "pedagogical approach" used by 1 of the grooming manuals. The day afterwards I routed the memo to the executive committee, I was called into the HR director'southward role, and told that the executive vice president wanted me out of the building past lunch. When I asked why, I was told that she wouldn't stand for perverts (pedophiles?) working in her company. Finally, he showed me her copy of the memo, with her need that I be fired and the discussion "pedagogical" circled in red. The HR manager was adequately reasonable, and once he looked the give-and-take upwardly in his dictionary and made a copy of the definition to send back to her, he told me not to worry. He would accept care of information technology. Two days subsequently, a memo to the entire staff came out directing u.s. that no words which could not exist found in the local Sunday newspaper could be used in company memos. A month subsequently, I resigned. In accord with company policy, I created my resignation memo past pasting words together from the Sunday newspaper. (Taco Bell Corporation)


About Dating

About Dating

Inquire people what they want in a girlfriend or boyfriend and we'll list features like kindness and pity. If you could read people'south real thoughts it would be a different standard.

The word "clamor" originates from a mispronunciation of Bethlehem Hospital, London's beginning mental asylum founded in 1247.


Don't Want to Know the Gender

Don't Want to Know the Gender

A feminist has to babysit her grandchild. It's a humorous situation as she goes out of her way not to acquire his or her gender as she feels like people are judged past their gender.


yadot rorrim

Yadot rorrim eht fo edis gnorw eht no pu ekow I.

(I woke up on the wrong side of the mirror today.)


i-Diot

i-Diot

Is our happiness is based on things we don't need?

The symbols + (addition) and – (subtraction) came into full general apply in the 1400's.


A Little Help Please

A Picayune Assistance Please

When beach goers aid this young lady out of the sand they get a hilarious surprise.


Urban center Girl visiting the Subcontract

A urban center girl driving through the country stop to adore some cattle in a pasture. When the farmer approached she asked, "Mister, why doesn't this cow have any horns?"

The farmer cocked his head for a moment, then began in a patient tone, "Well, ma'am, cattle tin do a powerful lot of harm with horns.

Sometimes nosotros keep'em trimmed downwards with a hacksaw. Other times nosotros can fix up the young 'uns by puttin' a couple drops of acid where their horns would grow in, and that stops 'em common cold.

Nonetheless, there are some breeds of cattle that never grow horns. But the reason this cow don't have no horns, ma'am, is 'cause it's a horse.


Looting and the British Museum

Looting and the British Museum

Equally upset as the British get over annexation, its humorously been pointed out that that's where the British Museum got all it's stuff.

Janis Joplin left $2,500 in her will for her friends to "have a ball after I'one thousand gone."


None of That

None of That

From the Ringling College of Art + Design comes a humorous animation about a museum night guard and his efforts to protect classic Italian statues from the over zealous censorship of a nun..


Get Well Before long

A policeman was rushed to the hospital with an inflamed Appendix. The doctors operated and advised him that all was well.

However, the patrolman kept feeling something pulling at the hairs in his groin area.

Worried that it might be a second surgery that the doctors hadn't told him about it, he finally got enough courage to pull his infirmary gown up enough so he could expect at what was making him so uncomfortable.

Information technology didn't have long to notice the cause for his discomfort. Taped firmly across his pubic hair and individual parts were three wide strips of adhesive tape, the kind that doesn't come off hands – if at all.

Written on the tape in large black letters was the sentence, "Become well soon from the nurse in the 2013 Ford Explorer you pulled over last calendar week."


Huge Waves Rock an Oil Platform

Huge Waves Rock an Oil Platform

Out in the Northward Body of water the waves tin get large. Large enough to rock a massive oil platform that stands 100 pes higher up the surface of the body of water and weighs nearly 15,000 gross tonnes.

In ancient Sparta, men who were unmarried by the time they were 30 forfeited the right to vote.


D*ck Maintenance

D*ck Maintenance

Large or pocket-sized this product solves man's greatest outcome below the belt - belt sander that is.


Three Trivial Pigs

This is a true story, indicating how fascinating the mind of a vi Yr onetime is. They think so logically.

A teacher was reading the story of the 3 Piffling Pigs to her Class.

When she came to the part where the first pig was gathering building materials for his domicile.

She read, "and so the grunter went up to the human with the wheelbarrow full of straw and said: 'Pardon me sir, but may I have some of That straw to build my business firm?"

The instructor paused then asked the form: "And what do you think the man said?"

1 footling boy said very matter-of-factly, "Holy Cow! A talking pig!!


The University of Texas study followed 474 diet soda drinkers for nearly ten years and institute that their waists grew seventy% more than the waists of not-drinkers.


Zoo Photographer - SNL

Zoo Photographer - SNL

Members of a morning show misrepresent an beast lensman from the local zoo thanks to a major screw-up by the graphics department.


That which does not impale us makes united states stronger.

Ah, women. They make the highs higher and the lows more frequent.

When y'all wait into an abyss, the abyss likewise looks into you.

A coincidental stroll through the lunatic aviary shows that faith does non prove annihilation.


Taco Truck at 1 AM

Taco Truck at 1 AM

If everyone knows taco trucks it'southward probably this comedian. Fluffy humorously goes into why you want women on the truck.

Choosing exciting places for a commencement date increases the odds of the other person falling for you lot. There is a strong link between danger and romantic allure.


Fun Day at the Boat Launch

Fun Twenty-four hour period at the Boat Launch

Some good old boys in iv-bike-drive trucks with high expectations and a willingness to help, find that pulling a vehicle out of the ocean isn't like shooting fish in a barrel.


Lying


Isn't information technology great to live in a lodge where the penalty for lying to a congressman is up to 20 years in jail,

...but the penalisation for a congressman lying to you is two more years in office.


American Malls and Fat People

American Malls and Fat People

Building coast-to-coast shopping malls that bane the American landscape, which according to comedian George Carlin is not ane of our finer accomplishments.

At 1 betoken you were the youngest person on Earth.


Near-Death Experience - SNL

Near-Expiry Experience - SNL

When 3 friends (Brie Larson, Cecily Strong, Kate McKinnon) become into a car accident, one of them has a uniquely different nearly-decease experience. In this humorous sketch 2 of the women recount feelings of warmth and love while the other adult female recounts cold snouts.


My girlfriend and I played doctor...

My girlfriend and I tried playing doctor... (USA medical system)

She spent the weekend at my place and I sent her a bill for $180,000.


Practicing Atheist

Practicing Atheist

Dave Allen is probably one of the best humorist, and arguably the all-time at telling jokes. Even though this video was many years ago y'all'll recognize his sense of humour as it'southward featured on the Internet oft.

Co-ordinate to astronauts, space smells like seared steak, hot metal and welding fumes.


Women Just Keep Coming

Women Just Keep Coming

A humorous comedy routine near women and relationships. Sometimes comedian Bill Burr worries worries that he's going to be that creepy old guy hanging out at the bar that no one cares nigh.


How many politicians?

How many politicians does it take to change a light bulb?

It takes two. 1 to assure the public that everything possible is being done, while the other screws it into a water faucet.


Older People Are Smarter

Older People Are Smarter

Humorous logic from explaining why older people are smarter. What can nosotros say; Life experiences count for a lot in this stand up one-act monologue..

When a hurricane is expected, Wal-Mart's top-selling items are strawberry Pop-Tarts and beer.


Hunter Becomes Hunted

Hunter Becomes Hunted

One infinitesimal you're reeling in a huge billfish fighting for it'due south life, the adjacent infinitesimal you're fighting for your life.


Countersign Lock

Got a countersign lock app that takes a picture whenever someone attempts to unlock my phone with the wrong countersign.

I have a ton pictures of drunk me.


Altered States

Altered States

This is what happens within the encephalon under the influence of cannabinoids.

If a friendship lasts longer than seven years, psychologists say information technology will terminal a lifetime.


Wild West Water Balloons

Wild West Water Balloons

Never bring a water airship to a gunfight - or was that a pocketknife to a gunfight. Anyway in this comedy skit a traveling salesman sets upwardly a water balloon stand up in the wild wild West.


Husbands are Bluish-tooth.

Always connected to Wife when she is effectually.

But when Married woman is out of range, they automatically start searching for new devices.


Girlfriend with a Big Butt

Girlfriend with a Big Butt

Reginald D trying to avoid explaining to his girlfriend, why she is having trouble fitting in airplane seats.

In 1972, a pocket of uranium in Africa was constitute to have undergone cocky-sustaining nuclear fission for hundreds of thousands of years, making it the only known naturally formed nuclear reactor.


MacDougals

MacDougals

Humorous parody of our overly sensitive world where a club gets into trouble for offering half-price averages to diverse ethnic groups.


"A person without a humour is like a railroad vehicle without springs. It's jolted by every pebble on the road." - Henry Ward Beecher

"A sense of humour is function of the art of leadership, of getting along with people, of getting things washed" - Dwight D. Eisenhower

"A expert laugh overcomes more difficulties and dissipates more dark clouds than any other one thing." - Laura Ingalls Wilder


Welcome to Earth

Welcome to Globe

A collage of videos, each impressive in their own right, just together they portray the diversity of nature

The oldest surviving honey verse form to appointment is written in a clay tablet from the times of the Sumerians around 3500 BC.



The New Doctor's Office

All-time friends graduated from medical school at the same time and decided that, in spite of two different specialties, they would open a exercise together to share function space and personnel.

Dr. Smith was the psychiatrist and Dr. Jones was the proctologist.

They put up a sign reading: "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Hysterias and Posteriors."

The boondocks quango was livid and insisted they change it.

So, the docs changed it to read: "Schizoids and Hemorrhoids." This was also not acceptable, and so they again inverse the sign. "Catatonics and High Colonics"... No become.

Side by side, they tried "Manic Depressives and Anal Retentives"... thumbs downwards.

Then came "Minds and Behinds"... withal no good.

Some other endeavor resulted in "Lost Souls and Butt Holes"... unacceptable!

And so they tried "Analysis and Anal Cysts"... not a chance.

"Basics and Butts"... no way.

"Freaks and Cheeks".... nonetheless no good.

"Loons and Moons"... forget it.

The docs finally came upwardly with "Dr. Smith and Dr. Jones: Odds and Ends"

Everyone loved it.


Bharat has not invaded any country in her last 10000 years of history.


Anjelah Johnson - Nail Salon

Anjelah Johnson - Nail Salon

Anjelah Johnson's hilarious trip to the nail salon. Many of the nail salon proprietors are Vietnamese and they bring to the business organization a unique ability to focus on the customer while at the aforementioned time up-selling their services.


My Congressman

I shook easily with my Congressman yesterday.

I didn't mean to, I was just reaching for my wallet.


The coldest place on Earth is a loftier ridge in Antarctica where temperatures can dip below -133°F (-93.2°C).



A Priceless Await

My married woman and I were visiting my son last night when I asked if I could infringe a newspaper.

You need to update, he said. People don't waste money on silly newspapers anymore.

Here, you tin apply my iPad, if yous can figure it out.

I tell you this, that damn fly never knew what hit information technology… and, the wait on my son's face was priceless.


Thoughts - Men Versus Women

Thoughts - Men Versus Women

The difference between men and women is highlighted in this humorous sketch equally two women acquaintances meet and a swain is left out of the chat.

A "barrel" was a Medieval unit of mensurate for vino. Technically, a buttload of vino is about 475 liters, or 126 gallons.


Flush That Gas

Flush That Gas

What do a carburetor and the toilet had in common? If y'all answered a bladder, you would be correct but they don't serve the same purpose.


The Kindhearted Scotsman


A Scotsman and his married woman walked past a swanky restaurant.

"Did you odor that nutrient?" She asked. "It smells absolutely incredible!"

Existence a 'kindhearted Scotsman', he idea "What the hell ... I'll treat her!"

And then they walked past the eating place once again!


Manhole Prank

Manhole Prank

Yous're driving downwards a side street spot an open manhole and a worker . It's only a prank and the cop is in on it.

Some researchers believe that those who stay awake tardily at night are more likely to have college IQs.


Catching Women in Fishing Terms

Communicable Women in Line-fishing Terms

Comedian explains communicable women in terms of sport fishing with emphasis on the catch and release attribute. Men similar to fish and sports angling is different from fishing for nutrient.


The Kindhearted Scotsman

Bono from U2 is the vox of my automobile'southward GPS

Information technology sucks. The streets have no names and I still haven't institute what I'm looking for.


Canine Catching Fish

Canine Catching Fish

This dog has figured out that if the sets out pieces of bread he tin grab the fish that come to feed on the breadstuff. Behavior that's not normally seen in a dog

19th century biologist Sir John Lubbock experimented on ants by getting them drunk. He discovered that sober ants would conduct their drunken emmet comrades back to their nest, if they were from the same colony - only they would throw drunkard strangers into the ditch.


Cartoon Characters and Dating Advice

Cartoon Characters and Dating Advice

Still performing, and nevertheless funny, this clip features unlikely cartoon cameos, weird things that happen at a doctor's office, and things you should never say to a engagement, .


Irish Smiles

Definition of an Irish husband: He hasn't kissed his wife for twenty years, just he will kill whatever man who does.

Murphy told Quinn that his married woman was driving him to drink.

Quinn thinks he'southward very lucky considering his own wife makes him walk.

Finnegan: My wife has a terrible habit of staying upwards 'til ii o'clock in the forenoon. I can't break her of it.

Keenan: What on earth is she doin' at that time?

Finnegan: Waitin' for me to come home .


Timely Rescue ...or Not

Timely Rescue ...or Not

A handsome hero, and swashbuckling swordsman comes to the rescue. Maybe he needs a new watch he seems to be a little fleck late.

Napoleon named the Louvre after himself during his reign of France and housed his plunder of Europe.


Old Folks Home

WKUK Old Folks Home

A humorous sketch about striking gold at the old folks home - who knew they had so many party pharmaceuticals.


Congress....lol

The English language language has some wonderfully anthropomorphic collective nouns for the various groups of animals.

Nosotros are all familiar with a Herd of cows, a Flock of chickens, a School of fish and a Gaggle of geese.

Less widely known is a Pride of lions, a Murder of crows (besides every bit their cousins the rooks and ravens), and a Parliament of owls.

At present consider a grouping of Baboons. They are the loudest, most dangerous, most obnoxious, nigh viciously ambitious and least intelligent of all primates.

And what is the proper collective noun for a grouping of baboons? . . It's a Congress!

Don't believe it? .. look it upward!

Suddenly things have become a lot clearer.


Unusual Thrill Ride

Unusual Thrill Ride

These guys discover that a Caterpillar digger makes for great beach entertainment.


Started reading my first Braille

Started reading my beginning Braille horror story.

I think that something scary is virtually to happen.

I can feel it.


If New York City were its own land and the NYPD was its regular army, it would exist the 20-best-funded army in the world.


Friendzone Pain

Friendzone Pain

She says she's looking for a partner that'due south more like you lot. I feel your friendzone pain.


Husbands and Dogs

Q. What'due south the difference between a new husband and a new dog?

A. Afterward a year, the domestic dog is even so excited to run across you.

Q. What makes men chase women they have no intention of marrying?

A. The aforementioned urge that makes dogs chase cars they have no intention of driving.


I Think for Myself

I Think for Myself

One of the most gifted minds of our time, fights the tendency for people to categorize others in terms of their own beliefs.


Funny simply Truthful


Give a homo a gun and he tin rob a bank

Give a man a banking concern and he can rob the world.


Gratitude can boost dopamine and serotonin, but like antidepressants.



I grant yous three wishes

A genie appears earlier a human being and says, "Principal, you accept been chosen. I grant you lot iii wishes."

The man says, "I've heard well-nigh this kind of matter before. Whatever I wish for will come dorsum to seize with teeth me in some way and my life will be ruined."

The genie says, "No, that won't happen."

"Yes, it will."

"No," says the genie, "I'm so sure it won't I'll grant yous an infinity of wishes if it does."

"Okay," says the man, thinking about it, "I wish for a boomerang with teeth."

Genie, "You son of a bitch..."


Dave Foley - Religious Extremists

Dave Foley - Religious Extremists

Dave Foley does a stand up-upwardly comedy routine nearly religious extremists and and admits that he is agape of Muslim extremists. To show the point he makes a few remarks about Jesus that he would not dare make Muhammad.

The National Animal of Scotland is the Unicorn


Nudibranchs of Papua New Guinea

Nudibranchs of Papua New Guinea

Nudibranchs are bounding main domicile slugs that come in many different shapes, colors, and sizes. This video will create some appreciation for their beauty.

Confucius say...

To brand a long story short, don't tell information technology.

A man with abrupt tongue cuts own throat.

It's OK for sh*t to happen, it will decompose.

The greatest of whales helpless in the middle of the desert.

War does not determine who is right. War determines who is left.

Human being who thinks only of number one must remember this number is side by side to nil.

Confucius say "Those who quote me are fools."


Fluffy Doing Puffy

Fluffy Doing Puffy

While on a l state tour sponsored by Comedy Centra Gabriel Iglesias's comedy tour bus was stopped by immigration crossing the border into Arizona and beingness stopped by immigration. .

Elephants have 3 times the number of neurons that humans have, and no-one knows why they aren't smarter than us.


Joey Medina - Dating A Hood Rat

Joey Medina - Dating A Hood Rat

Comedian Joey Medina goes out on a date with a hood rat and decides to take her to a nice restaurant. He almost immediately regrets that decision.


Local Elections

I was in the park with my dog and I said to this guy "Which fashion are yous going to vote?" Democrat, " he replied. With that my dog bit him.

I carried on and I saw a woman, "Which style are you lot going vote? " I asked. " "Democrat, " she said. My domestic dog bit her likewise.

Equally I carried on I met another man, "Which way are you going vote?" I asked. "Republican, " he said. With that my dog flake him.

My dog doesn't requite a flip nigh politics.


A woman who is unmarried in belatedly 20'south and across is called "Sheng Nu" in China which means "leftover women". (not truthful in the Usa)


Meet Your Second Wife

Meet Your 2nd Wife

In this comedy sketch, hosts Helen Walsh (Amy Poehler) and Tina Fey innovate three contestants to their hereafter second wives. Something the contestants humorously struggle to explain to their wives.


Romantic Text Message

An elderly couple learned to transport text letters on their mobile phones.

The wife, a retired college English language instructor with accent on the Classics, was an unapologetic romantic; her husband, a retired salty Navy primary picayune officer of thirty years' service, was a no-nonsense guy

One afternoon the wife went to the local Starbuck's to meet a friend for java. While awaiting her friend'southward arrival, she exercised her new skill by sending her hubby a romantic text bulletin:

"If yous are sleeping, send me your dreams. If you are laughing, send me your grinning. If yous are eating, send me a seize with teeth. If you are drinking, transport me a sip. If y'all are crying, send me your tears. I love yous."

The hubby responded: "I'm takin' a crap. Delight advise."


Don't Look Good Anymore

Don't Expect Good Any-more

A humorous song about ageing and the sad realization that our bodies don't look so good whatever more, specially without clothes.

The words hurricane, whirlwind and typhoon are all names for the same type of tempest. The name tells you where the storm occurred. Hurricanes are divers as storms over the North Atlantic or the Caribbean. In the western Pacific Sea, hurricanes are known as typhoons. Cyclones are hurricanes over the Indian Ocean.


Half Dead

Half Dead

Louis CK has come to the realization that at xl years former, statistically speaking his life is half over. A short humorous standup comedy routine about midlife crisis.


What's the Difference

What'southward the difference between a vegan and a computer programmer?

I is disgusted past rack of lamb and the other is disgusted by lack of RAM.


Ship Beaching

Send Beaching

When transport has sailed its last road it'southward time to run information technology a ground. Preferably on a afar shore were someone else will handle its disposal.

Dolly the sheep, the outset cloned mammal, was named because she was created from a mammary cell, and the scientists couldn't recall of a more impressive set of glands than Dolly Parton'southward.



Cement

What can you presume when y'all find a lawyer buried up to his neck in cement?

Someone ran out of cement.


Why wasn't Jesus

Why wasn't Jesus born in the U.S.A?

Considering God couldn't find three wise men and a virgin.


Facebook Friends

Facebook Friends

People have to like you for who you are, and this comedian wasn't sure that her Facebook friends were actually friends.

The total number of people who have ever lived has been estimated to be effectually 108 billion.



What is the Difference

What is the difference between a rectal thermometer and a oral thermometer?

The gustatory modality.


Glad to be Alive

Glad to be Alive

While in America comedian Russell told he looks like a daytime talk celebrity and everyone in the elevator has a adept laugh..

The early on Church alleged that booze was an inherently proficient gift of God to be used and enjoyed. While individuals might cull not to drink, to despise booze was heresy.


Pogie Pepperoni's

Pogie Pepperoni's

Two new hires tin't comprise their excitement when they begin working at Pogie Pepperoni's.


Incorrect Feet

I told my friend that he had his shoes on the wrong feet.

He said, "These are the only feet I have."


I Saw A Pink Elephant

I Saw A Pink Elephant

Just for laughs as a prank on unsuspecting motorists involving a pinkish elephant and a sobriety test.

There are virtually 100 billion birds in the globe, and near 6 billion of them make their homes in the U.s.a.


Caveman Currency

Caveman Currency

Sticks and Rocky accidentally create a currency, and in this comedy sketch, the tribe gets a financial system. But alas the bankers cannot resist the temptation to loan out more money than they have on deposit.


The Difference Between America and Europe

In America, we call our inbreds hillbillies.

In Europe, they call them Royals.


Ghettoest Mall Ever

Ghettoest Mall E'er

Comedian DC Benny describes the ghettoest mall e'er and the gauntlet of garbage that he has to navigate to get to the 1 store where he wants to purchase something.

Humans and dogs first became best friends 30,000 years ago.


IT Crowd - Iran

IT Crowd - Iran

In a humorous episode most romance, something the IT guys know very little about, the term a man is confused with Iran..


Short Jokes

A small-scale boy swallowed some coins and was taken to a hospital.
When his grandmother telephoned to ask how he was a nurse said 'No change yet'.

I went for a walk last night and my kids asked me how long I'd exist gone.
I said, "The whole time."

Jane couldn't find anyone to sing with, ...and so she went out and bought a duet yourself kit.


The English give-and-take "girl" was initially used to depict a young person of either sex. It was non until the sixteenth century that the term was used specifically to describe a female child.



Birthday

What's the most effective way to remember your wife's birthday?

Forget it once


The proper noun 'Viking means 'a pirate raid' in the Sometime Norse linguistic communication.



Acme 5 blonde inventions:

ane) Waterproof towel.

ii) A volume on how to read.

3) Inflatable dart board.

4) Powdered water.

5) Helicopter ejection seat.


I Love the  ish

I Love the ish

Stand-upwards comedy nearly living in Uk for 11 years and adapting to the British lifestyle. In Japan it either is or it is not; there is no concept of ...-ish..

Absolut Vodka used to belong to Sweden's government, until they sold it in 2008 for United states$eight.3 Billion to Pernod Ricard.



At the Asylum

Two nuts are sitting next to each other at the aviary. Ane turns to the other and says, "Why are we all here?"

Other nut shrugs his shoulders and replies, "'Cuz we're not all there."


Big Decks

Big Decks

In this humorous comedy skit full of double entendres, the guys sit around and compare their decks

The largest speeding ticket ever written was €1,000,000 in Sweden for driving 180mph.


Competing with an Asian Woman

Competing with an Asian Woman

Amy Schumer humorously laments the fact that Caucasian men seem more attracted to Asian women. When listing the traits that men are looking for a woman she concludes she hasn't much of a take chances.


My Living Will

Last night, my wife and I were sitting in the living room and I said to her, 'I never want to live in a vegetative state, dependent on some machine and fluids from a bottle.

If that ever happens, just pull the plug.'

She got up, tossed out my beer, and unplugged the computer.

...and she thinks she'south funny!


Soda Shop - SNL

Soda Store - SNL

Ready in the 1950s this sketch features a teenybopper who's upset because she didn't get asked to the dance. Enter the possessor of a soda shop (Louis C.1000.) who makes the girl an interesting offer.


Middle Eastern

A racist human chosen me a terrorist for having long hair, a long beard, and existence Heart Eastern.

Later on I saw him at church giving a speech most how everyone needs a Middle Eastern guy with long hair and a beard in their lives.


Crazy Lady Interview

Crazy Lady Interview

local news team interviews lady on the street and soon finds out she's crazy as it gets.

The vehicle with the highest mileage covered a total of ii,850,000 miles (4,586,630 km).


Fat A**es and Buffets

Fat A**es and Buffets

Jerry Seinfeld drops in and tries out that whole telling jokes with a microphone thing. A stand-upwards routine that pokes a little fun at food and fat derrières.


Terms and Weather condition

Adam & Eve were the showtime people that didn't sympathize the Apple terms and atmospheric condition.


Up Close with a Whale

Up Close with a Whale

It's an unusual sight to see a whale feeding in a marina close to boat docks. When the whale surfaces to feed it makes for a very impressive site.

Drinking glass is really neither a liquid—supercooled or otherwise—nor a solid. It is an amorphous solid—a country somewhere between those two states of matter.


Weaker as a Species - Flying

Weaker as a Species - Flying

A humorous comedy monologue past Bill Burr transitioning from fear of flying to sissy men shouldn't get to reproduce.


Cute Nickname

My meaning wife was feeling sensitive almost her enlarged breast due to lactation, so I gave her a beautiful nickname to cheer her up.

Plainly Dairy Queen wasn't the right choice.


Lucky Day Forever

Lucky Day Forever

Prole 514 dreams about winning the Great Lottery. The lottery winner is transformed and immune admission into the aristocracy White lodge, where anybody is beautiful, young and happy and people spend their carefree lives solely on fun and partying..

What hippos lack in swimming skills they more than brand up with their ability to concur their breath for long periods of time. A thick membrane covers their eyes and their nostrils shut, creating a protective h2o-tight seal.


improv: What You Can't Say at a Funeral

improv: What You Can't Say at a Funeral

Humorous Advertizement lib. one-act a skit chosen things yous cannot say a funeral and things y'all cannot say most weight loss. Both these touchy subjects are treated with humorous blasphemy past the humorists on Whose Line Is Information technology. .


Before You Phone call

Ladies earlier you call a guy ugly ...retrieve he doesn't wear make upward


War Is the Answer

State of war Is the Answer

A humorous comedy routine with a twist. Comedian makes the example that despite our numerous denials, state of war is the answer and to make her betoken she wishes anybody a happy Fourth of July.

Alligators don't hide, but they exercise go through a dormancy menstruum during colder weather. Before going dormant, they dig out a "gator hole," which is a low or tunnel in the mud.



Brusque Funnies

My friend e-mailed me today asking for a good website nigh the identify to buy the best sausages. I sent him a couple of links

The other night I ate at a real family eating house. Every tabular array had an argument going.

If you're ever attacked by a mob of clowns, go for the juggler!


Funny British Guard

Funny British Baby-sit

British baby-sit pretends to pose then exchanges cutout of himself in underwear for a unforgettable picture.

Arachibutyrophobia is the fear of peanut butter sticking to the roof of your mouth.


Obligation to Be Sarcastic

Obligation to Be Sarcastic

As a comedian, Kerry enjoys coming to piece of work because in her job she's allowed to exist sarcastic. One could say it's even required.


God'southward Sense of Humour

While creating Husbands, God promised Women that skilful and ideal Husbands would be found in all corners of the world.

...and and then he fabricated the earth round.


Dating Preference by Race

Dating Preference by Race

Results from the app ''Are You Interested'', which allows clients to click ''yeah'' if they find a person attractive or take the option of skipping to the adjacent profile page.

About 500 meteorites striking the Earth each year. The largest contempo known meteorite was found at Grootfontein in Namibia, southwest Africa, in 1920. It measured 9 feet (2.75m) long and eight anxiety (2.43m) wide.


Dragonflies Wings

Dragonflies Wings

Dragonflies are amongst the most aboriginal of insects — they were lakes and Meadows on gossamer wings long earlier dinosaurs appeared. They start their lives equally a waterborne insect that looks nothing like their adult course.


My married woman Thinks

My wife thinks my obsession with conspiracy theories is getting out of control.

I wonder how much money the government paid her to say that?


Nerf Nukes

Nerf Nukes

Humorous parody of the real world nuclear arms race using Nerf weapons. Panic ensues when one of the kids on the cake gets a nuclear Nerf weapon.


"It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. Information technology cannot be taken from you lot, not by angels or by demons, sky or hell." – Buddha

All the Education in the world won't help someone who can't think for themselves." – A.1000. Sawyer


Tossed about on the Waves

Tossed about on the Waves

At almost 300 foot this ship is designed to handle some of the largest waves the Atlantic tin can throw at information technology. Merely even while it survives waves. Information technology looks like the toy being tossed near in a bathtub..


Q: Why practise men's clothes have buttons on the right while women's clothes accept buttons on the left?

A: When buttons were invented, they were very expensive and worn primarily by the rich. Since most people are right-handed, it is easier to push buttons on the right through holes on the left. Because wealthy women were dressed by maids, dressmakers put the buttons on the maid's correct! And that's where women's buttons take remained since.


>

Nervous Alien

Nervous Alien

Exploring new worlds and contacting alien life tin can be exciting and scary. If yous tend to be nervous this is probably not the career for you lot.


Bananas

Did you know that humans eat more than bananas than monkeys?

It'southward truthful – when was the terminal time yous ate a monkey?


Symmetry

Symmetry

Symmetry is i of the almost fundamental principles of nature, and also forms the ground of music.


In 1988 the League of Women Voters stopped sponsoring presidential debates and issued this terse statement:

The League of Women Voters is withdrawing its sponsorship of the presidential fence scheduled for mid-October because the demands of the 2 campaign organizations would perpetrate a fraud on the American voter. It has become clear to us that the candidates' organizations aim to add together debates to their list of entrada-trail charades devoid of substance, spontaneity and honest answers to tough questions. The League has no intention of becoming an accessory to the hoodwinking of the American public.



Big Fatty Cat

A girl takes her big fat cat to the vet.

"Alright," says the vet. "Lets have a wait at him."

The vet picks up the cat and examines its teeth. Then she looks at its eyes. And then into its ears.

Finally, she turns to the girl and says, "I'm very pitiful. I'm going to have to put your cat down."

"Oh no! Because he's so fatty?"

"Yep," says the doctor. "My arms are tired."


A study found that wild alligator claret has both antibiotic and antiviral properties. In fact, it is active confronting HIV-1, West Nile Virus, and Herpes simplex virus.


What Women Want

What Women Desire

A hapless modern romantic gets a picayune help from Cyrano de Bergerac to win the woman.


Losing his Hair,

There was an old homo who lived past a forest. As he grew older and older, he started losing his hair, until 1 day, on his deathbed, he was completely bald. That day, he called his children to a meeting...

He said, "Look at my hair. Information technology used to be so magnificent, only it'due south completely gone now. My hair can't be saved. But look exterior at the forest. Information technology'south such a lovely forest with so many trees, but sooner or later on they'll all be cut downwards and this forest volition look as bald as my hair."

"What I want you to exercise..." the man continued. "Is, every time a tree is cut down or dies, found a new i in my memory. Tell your descendants to do the same. It shall exist our family's duty to go on this woods stiff."

And then they did.

Each time the forest lost a tree, the children replanted 1, then did their children, and their children afterward them.

And for centuries, the forest remained equally lush and pretty as it in one case was, all considering of 1 homo and his re-seeding heirline.


Heaven and Hell

Heaven and Hell

Our world is like a heaven for us, a lovely and more or less placid identify, compared to other possibilities.

With an boilerplate length of 12 to 13 feet, pythons have few predators besides alligators and humans.


Do I Command You

Exercise I Command You

Humorous comedy skit dealing with family and all its idiosyncrasies


Hunting Flies

A woman walked into the kitchen to find her husband stalking around with a fly swatter.

"What are you doing?" She asked.

"Hunting Flies" He responded.

"Oh!, Killing whatsoever?" She asked.

"Yep, 3 males, ii Females", he replied.

Intrigued, she asked. "How can you tell?"

He responded, "3 were on a beer can, ii were on the phone".


Kids On Dating Problems

Kids On Dating Problems

Sounding oh so adult, some immature ladies contemplate the reasons why the guy is playing hard to become.

Benz and Mercedes were competitors until 1920. When these companies merged, the newly formed company started selling cars under the brand name 'Mercedes-Benz'.


Kings English and Sacrifice

Kings English and Sacrifice

1 affair virtually Eddie Izzard'due south humorous comedy routines is that he makes history entertaining and people come up away having learned something.


An Engineer's love life

An builder, an artist and an engineer were discussing whether it was better to spend time with the married woman or a mistress.

The architect said he enjoyed time with his wife, building a solid foundation for an indelible human relationship.

The artist said he enjoyed time with his mistress, because of the passion and mystery he found there.

The engineer said, ''I like both.''

''Both?''

Engineer: ''Yeah. If you have a wife and a mistress, they will each assume you are spending fourth dimension with the other woman, and you can get to the lab and get some work done.''


Helpful Barman

Helpful Barman

Stephen Fry is the helpful barman cheering upwards a customer. Hugh Laurie is plied with snacks and double entendres.

The wars betwixt Romans and Persians lasted almost 721 years, the longest disharmonize in homo history.



In an Irish Bar

A human stumbles up to the merely other patron in a bar and asks if he could buy him a drink.

"Why of grade," comes the reply.

The first man then asks: "Where are you from?"

"I'thousand from Ireland," replies the second man.

The outset man responds: "You lot don't say, I'm from Republic of ireland too! Let's have another round to Ireland."

"Of Form," replies the second man. Curious, the first homo and then asks: "Where in Ireland are you from?" "Dublin," comes the respond.

"I tin't believe it," says the start man. "I'm from Dublin too! Let's have some other drink to Dublin."

"Of course," replies the second human. Marvel again strikes and the get-go man asks: "What schoolhouse did you go to?"

"Saint Mary's," replies the second human being. "I graduated in '62."

"This is unbelievable!" the commencement human says. "I went to Saint Mary'due south and I graduated in '62, too!"

About that time in comes one of the regulars and sits down at the bar. "What's been going on?" he asks the bartender. "Zip much," replies the bartender. "The O'Malley twins are drunk over again."


Moving Day

Moving Day

Information technology's moving day and what better mode to start out the day than wee nip to improve the spirits. Then again information technology looks similar these fellows, struggling to become this burrow up the road, may take had more than ane wee nip.

H2o is used in rice fields to prevent weeds. Rice doesn't actually need that much water, only since information technology tin can thrive in such conditions, whereas weeds cannot, it's a natural protection against them.


Calling BS

Calling BS

A stand-up one-act monologue about calling BS when you hear something outrageous.


Warranty

I went to Habitation Depot to buy a manure spreader.

I asked what kind of warranty came with it.

The salesman said information technology was the one product they wouldn't stand behind.


Terror Levels

Threat Levels

It'south not easy finding sense of humor in life-threatening situations. But sense of humour helps united states deal with the fear gene and get on with our everyday lives.

The FDA allows an average of 30 or more insect fragments and one or more rodent hairs per 100 grams of peanut butter.



In Blue Earth, Minnesota a constabulary declares that no child nether the historic period of twelve may talk over the telephone unless monitored by a parent.

A Chicago police forbids eating in a place that is on burn down.

A state law in Illinois mandates that all bachelors should be chosen master, non mister, when addressed by their female counterparts.


The Smoke Seller

The Smoke Seller

A mysterious showman billing himself every bit a ''smoke seller'' visits a little village whose inhabitants initially seem less than interested in what he has to offer. Simply fume and mirrors can make one believe for a fiddling while..

With population estimates as high as 300,000 in southern Florida, the Burmese python has gone from exotic pet to established apex predator in just iii decades.


You Are about to Experience

You Are about to Feel

Bill Hanley'south stand-upwardly comedy routine from the belatedly late show you're virtually to experience a great iv minutes of comedy


Peek-a-boo

Did y'all hear about the guy that was injured in the freak peek-a-boo incident?

He had to exist put in the ICU.


A Rolling Ocean

A Rolling Bounding main

In the north Atlantic storms can be vehement. Even a pretty good-sized send tin get tossed nearly on a rolling ocean. Imagine the odds of surviving a storm like this in a Viking send.

Alligators are considered carnivores simply have been known to eat fruit.



Russian Roulette

I tried to warn my friend about playing Russian roulette.

Just it went in one ear and came out the other.


You Need A Baby

You Demand A Baby

Have y'all got as well much free time to impale? Accept you got more money than you lot know how to spend? Worry non, this humorous video has a solution for you.

Alligators are congenital for speed, not endurance. They can sew together to 35 miles an hour — faster than about humans — but they are sprinters and can't go on up that pace for long.


The Most Beautiful Girl

The Most Beautiful Girl

Y'all may have heard the phrase "damning with faint praise". This humorous song does just that, as a duo from Flight of the Concordes sings The Virtually Beautiful Girl.


Eternity

Devil: This is the lake of lava where yous volition be spending eternity.

New arrival: Actually, since we're hole-and-corner, it would be magma

Devil: Yous understand this is why y'all're here, right?


The biggest alligator in the world (so far) was 15 anxiety 9 inches long and weighed in at i,011.five pounds. This gator was caught in Manufactory Creek, a tributary of a river in Alabama.


Breaking News: Astroid Watch

Breaking News: Astroid Picket

In anticipation of an asteroid strike destroying civilization people have come to terms with their demise and done the wild things they wanted to do.


Superbowl

Last year a guy took his Blonde daughter friend to the Superbowl

They had groovy seats right backside their team's bench.

Later the game, he asked her how she liked information technology.

"Oh, I actually liked information technology," she replied, "specially the tight pants and all the large muscles, but I just couldn't empathise why they were killing each other over 25 cents."

Dumbfounded, her boyfriend asked, "What do you mean?"

"Well, they flipped a coin, ane team got it, then for the rest of the game, all they kept screaming was...

'Get the quarterback! Go the quarterback!'

I'one thousand similar...Helloooooo? It'south just 25 cents!"


Little Old Lady Kidnapper

Trivial One-time Lady Kidnapper

This little one-time lady has a secret and when she asks for directions unsuspecting victims get pranked.

The Asian straight-tusked elephant is likely the biggest prehistoric state mammal that ever existed, reaching a height of over 5 meters (17 anxiety) past the shoulders and weighing 22 tonnes?



Departure

What'south the deviation? NYC has rats and DC has lawyers.

The divergence is that lab assistants don't get attached to Lawyers.


Conan Visits A German Beach

Conan Visits A German Beach

Everything is blurred in this humorous perspective on the cultural differences between the way Americans and Germans arroyo nudity.

In Mozambique, overhead power lines have to be at least 12 thousand (39 ft) high to permit safe passage of giraffes.


Like Ducks to Water

Similar Ducks to Water

For the first time in their lives two dozen recently rescued ducks get their showtime gustatory modality of life in a pond.


Odds

I got into a fight with 1,3,5,7 and 9.

The odds were against me


Island Adventure

Isle Risk

One of the funniest improvisational comedy episodes ever from ''Whose Line Is It''.

Currently less than 7% of the people surveyed think Congress is doing a practiced job. This is by far the everyman approval charge per unit since they started taking surveys.



Quick Thinking

A man boarded a airplane with half-dozen kids. After they got settled in their seats a adult female sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked, 'Are all of those kids yours?'

He replied, 'No Mam'. I piece of work for a condom company. These are customer complaints.'


Alien Imposters

Alien Impostors

Aliens have invaded the Earth and disguised themselves to look similar humans in this comedy skit. The question is how exercise you lot tell the aliens from real people. Our heroes have constitute a unique solution.


American alligators appeared about 84 million years ago, while their ancestors evolved more than 200 million years ago.

Alligators are more closely related to dinosaurs than to other modern reptiles.


An Angry Ocean

An Angry Ocean

Huge waves from Storm Henry strike the west coast of Ireland. Hard to get a perspective from the video only the cliffs are 65 human foot tall and those are 30 pes waves.


A Few Phunnies

I'grand really enjoying my lasso classes, even though I got roped into it.

What exercise you call a ghost's mother and male parent? Transparents!

Why don't people live in toadstools? Cause there isn't mushroom.

What'southward a metaphor? For cows to graze on.

What did one ocean say to the other sea?...Zero they just waved

If you want to know how many bees Noah had… check the Ark Hives


Astounding Fact

Phenomenal Fact

Astrophysicist Neil DeGrasse Tyson was asked, ''What is the well-nigh astounding fact you can share with us about the Universe?'' This is the video version of his answer.

Anatidaephobia is the pervasive, irrational fearfulness that, somewhere in the world, a duck is watching you lot.


Worst Trainride Ever

Worst Trainride Ever

His daughter is having her beginning catamenia, and daddy is trying to be helpful, much to his fellow passengers dismay.


Old Goats

A group of Americans were traveling past tour bus through Holland . As they stopped at a cheese farm, a immature guide led them through the process of cheese making, explaining that goat'southward milk was used. She showed the group a lovely hillside where many goats were grazing.

'These,' she explained, 'are the older goats put out to pasture when they no longer produce.'

She then asked, 'What practise you do in America with your old goats?'

A spry old admirer answered, 'They transport u.s.a. on bus tours!


The summit six foods that make your fart are beans, corn, bell peppers, cauliflower, cabbage and milk!


Putting It on the Line

Putting It on the Line

A humorous comedy routine expresses her stance of why there are more than male comedians than female comedians, and also what it'due south like trying to become back into the dating scene as an older woman.


Geometry

I learned geometry.

It caused my life to take a 360 degree turn.


My Trigger

My Trigger

A music video built on the finer points of human nature and the realization that we need to go along to survive.

Elephants only sleep for two hours each twenty-four hours.



An elderly couple was sitting together in church building..

An elderly couple was sitting together in church building...

The wife leans over to the married man and says "I but let out a really long and silent fart. What should I practice?"

The husband replies "Change the battery in your hearing assist."


According to ancient Greek literature, when Odysseus arrived home after an absenteeism of xx years, bearded as a beggar, the only one to recognize him was his aged dog Argos, who wagged his tail at his principal, and and then died.



Meatloaf Underwear

My wife bought a pair of 'Meatloaf Underwear' yesterday.

On the forepart it says, "I Will do Anything For Love" ...and on the dorsum it says, "only I Won't do That."



The framers felt that the Firm of Representatives, every bit the only torso at that time directly elected by the people, should take the initial control of the money menstruum in authorities.

Toward the end of a Congressional session you will run across the Continuing Resolutions (CR's) flowing similar a flood every bit Congress often cannot get to Appropriations bills especially if they are contentious. Sometimes governmental departments will operate on a CR rather than an Appropriation for a considerable amount of time.


Tom Dick and Harry

Tom Dick and Harry

A funeral service is held for Thomas, Richard and Harold, or every bit they are meliorate known; Tom Dick and Harry. Comedian Rowan Atkinson plays the office of the priest reviewing the lives and shortcomings of Tom Dick and Harry.


2nd

I saw my friend on the street. He had a despondent look on his face, so I asked him what was incorrect.

He said "Today is the 2d of the second calendar month of 2022 and I only turned 22 so I bet $222 on the 2nd horse in the 2nd race of the day.. Information technology was at two.22!"

"That sounds great" I said, "What went wrong"?

"He came second".


Couples Therapy

Couples Therapy

Comedian's married woman insists that they go to couples therapy and so for $250 an 60 minutes tells him they're going to play a game called total honesty.

Goldfish are and then prevalent in the warm, shallow waters of western Lake Erie that information technology's at present a commercial catch with over 144,800 pounds of goldfish netted in 2019.


Officer Huge

Officer Huge

Female police officer has ridiculously huge um... assets that seem to go far the way of everything.


Odd Mask

Stopped past Starbucks and the barista was wearing an odd face mask.

Out of curiosity I asked "Did yous make your mask?"

She said "No, it's a coughy filter."


Your Brain On Shrooms

Your Brain On Shrooms

How do "Magic Mushrooms" chemically change your brain? What causes the user to experience a sensory overload of saturated colors and patterns?.

The blue whale (Balaenoptera musculus) reaching a maximum confirmed length of 29.9 metres (98 ft) and weighing up to 199 tonnes is the largest animate being known to have ever existed.


How Women Argue

How Women Argue

As every homo knows, it is incommunicable to win an argument with a woman - even when you lot are right.


Chemists do it as well...

Chemists do it organically and inorganically.

Electro-chemists do it with greater potential.

Polymer chemists do it in bondage.

Pharmaceutical chemists exercise it with drugs.

Belittling chemists do it with precision and accuracy.


Go Anywhere Vehicle

Go Anywhere Vehicle

Armed services vehicles volition go simply nigh anywhere, but unless they are designed to be amphibious they shouldn't be driven in deep water.

A bowhead whale killed in Alaska in 2012 had a harpoon embedded in information technology'due south blubber that dated back to the 1880's- a whale had survived over 130 years.


Still Alive

Still Alive

Louis CK is another comedian that'south feeling old. At 18 you can vote, at 21 you can drink, at 47 you can just go along doing whatever - no one cares.


I had a crazy dream

I had a crazy dream that I weighed less than a thousandth of a gram.

I was, like, 0mg!


Throw the Tennis Ball

Throw the Tennis Ball

Is he rooting for the lawn tennis actor, or does he merely wants someone to throw the lawn tennis ball.


In Turkey, in the 16th and 17th centuries, anyone caught drinking java was put to decease

In Thailand, it is illegal to leave your house if you are non wearing underwear

In Switzerland, information technology is illegal to affluent the toilet after x P.M. if you alive in an apartment.

In State of israel, picking your nose is illegal.


A Psychological Miracle called "The Backfire Effect" Causes a Person to Become More Convinced They Are Right When Yous Use Facts and Figures to Convince Them They Are Incorrect


Blind Date

Blind Engagement

A brusque blithe story of blind dates, Net chat, and missed dates.


A religious traitor


Son: Dad, what's a religious traitor?

Begetter: A person who leaves our church and joins another

Son: And what is a person who leaves another church and joins ours?

Begetter: A convert, son, a blest convert.






larsonhitiong.blogspot.com

Source: http://bitoffun.com/

0 Response to "Clip Art Picture of Sitting on the School Bus"

Post a Comment

Iklan Atas Artikel

Iklan Tengah Artikel 1

Iklan Tengah Artikel 2

Iklan Bawah Artikel